This is all getting to be too much. We’ve announced a date, and even though internally we’ve known it for months now, the fact that other people are now aware is somehow increasing the pressure. Well, that or the fact that the date we’ve announced has somehow reached a point where it’s less than 3 weeks away.
I talked last time about reaching a breaking point. That I was finding myself becoming unpleasant, easy to snap at people, quick to argue. I don’t know exactly what I’m doing right now, though. Somrtimes I’m as I described before, and then at other times I just get really… sad. And I don’t know why. This hasn’t happened to me with other events for this project, or at least not to this scale.
One reason for it all might be the amount of work that I’ve aquired. As of right now, I’m managing the team’s Twitter account with daily content being posted, I’m programming a game that might not even be used, I’m editing videos that will be streamed live to the audience and which, when they are being shown, will be the only thing they see. To add to that, I need to edit and render 6 of those videos for uses in different places, even though only 3 of them will even be used.
Then once all of that’s done, I need to make sure that all written scripts are of a high enough standard, that all unwritten scripts get written, that all systems that I’m in charge of work, that they can be triggered at the right time and that I’m otherwise prepared for, what in the past has become, an incredibly busy 7 hour “last chance to fix anything” preparation period before the 3-4 hour event itself.
I don’t know if I can do this. We have two and a bit weeks. I’m sat here waiting for others to do things so that I can get on with my tasks, yet some of them seem nowhere near as willing to hurry up. They still don’t seem to have had any realisation as to how little time we have left, yet I’ve been working on those videos in particular for about half a year alone. I don’t know if I can finish everything, and if I can’t, then I’m stuffed! It’s not just me, it’s the reputation of the team! If things go catastrophically wrong, then it’s months of preparation gone. Just like that. It’s an entire day that people have set aside to work on this event, gone. Its the time of the guests we have on as contestants, to show that we’re capable of putting on a good event. It’s the time of the people that came along to watch, that were excited for their chance to join in. Gone.
Am I overthinking this? Probably. I know that most of this isn’t rational. That I’m overly tired and slightly overworked. Is that going to stop me thinking like this, though? I somehow doubt it.