I need a break. From… just all of this. This noise, this constant… busy-ness, it’s driving me up the wall. I can’t keep doing this and stay a likeable person.
At the moment, the community I’m a part of is working towards an event, and it’s something that a lot of work needs to go into. Historically a lot has been left to near the deadline, and that’s something that I didn’t want to happen this time. As a result, I’ve been working a lot on this event for a good couple of months, with the amount of work really picking up the pace after I finished my exam season.
But I’m reaching a point of exhaustion, I think. There’s only so long you can work hard for before you start to lose focus or the will to actually do anything, and I think I might’ve passed that point about a month ago.
I’ve noticed that I am more easily angered by small things. I’m more likely to get overly tired. I’m becoming less… nice. And it hurts me greatly to say that I think that is happening - the last thing in that list particularly. I try to be nice, I try to be a nice person but I can’t help but feel that somehow everything is going wrong and people are starting to dislike me.
I hate that idea.
So I think I need to take a break from this. But I know, also, that I can’t afford to. There are videos that need to be rendered. There are systems that need to be programmed. There are scripts that need to be written. I don’t have time to have a break, there’s too much to be done! I can’t take the time to make myself nicer because I need to keep working because if I don’t there won’t even be an event!
I don’t know what to do! Everything is just… cycling back and forth. I need to work, I need to be nice, I can’t work on that because I need to work on the event, that’s just going to lead to more exhaustion and therefore lead to me sending myself further down the road to exhaustion and sadness.
I just know that I need to take a break. And the sooner, the better.