I feel like I should explain what on Earth I’ve been doing for the last few days, given these two posts.

I said two days ago that I don’t like rollercoasters. How was I to know how much of an emotional one I was about to embark on.

Saturday was the day that I visited i60, and it was genuinely one of the best days I can remember. I met some long-time friends, and made memories that will last for a long time (well, our shared photo album of the event will help :-P). I was fine for the rest of the evening once I’d returned home: I had some dinner, watched some YouTube videos and had a bit of a chat with some of the people who had stayed there for the weekend. It was late that evening that I wrote the first of the two posts.

Sunday, the day after, is when I started to get a bit… down. I tried to do some of the computing questions I’d been given for the Easter holidays, but progress was slow. I spent some more time talking to people who were still there and, honestly, that might not have helped. All it did was remind me that I wasn’t there, and that other people were and were having a good time (which isn’t to say that I wanted people to not enjoy themselves, far from it - it’s more that it made me sad that I wasn’t there). By Sunday evening, I’d reached such a point that I had written the second of the two posts.

Monday, yesterday, is when I took a slight turn for the worse. I woke up at about 11 o’clock, got myself sorted for the day, and then (at about quarter past) I started to do the past papers I’d been set over the holidays. Of course, me being me, I’d managed to push them back as far as I could, to the point that I spent about 8 hours doing four papers. I didn’t go on Teamspeak as I might on other days. I tried to avoid communications with other people, because I knew it would distract me from finishing this work. I did take a break to have some lunch, but it wasn’t that long of one. Then, at about half past 7, I finished working and had some dinner (which, thanks to my for-some-reason-little appetite I wasn’t able to finish) and then I returned to my room to mark the papers. This took me about two hours, by which point I’d already passed the point of exhaustion, and I felt broken.

At about 11:15, I went on to Teamspeak, and a few minutes later, one of the people still at the event joined the server too. I wasn’t really in a mood to use my voice, so I had muted my microphone and was typing. This was partly because I didn’t feel like talking aloud, and partly because I was trying to stop myself from crying. And then I admitted it to them. And then, when they became concerned, I went silent.

About an hour and a half later, I sent a message to that person, showing them the last two posts to this blog and an explaination of what was going on yesterday. That person, as well as another person in the room with them, read through the posts and the message. And then they cried.

And that’s one of the reasons I’ve written this post. I want to apologise to the two of you (you know who you are). I shouldn’t have dragged you into my situation, and, even though I didn’t know I was doing it, I shouldn’t have made you cry. It was kind of thoughtless on my part, but I also want you to know that talking to you helped. I also want you to know how much it means to me that you cared so much when I was upset. It’s not something I’ve experienced with many people (especially those outside of my family), and it really does mean a lot to me. For what it’s worth, I think I’m mostly out of the other side with it now, so I hopefully shouldn’t have too much trouble with this downwards trend in the next few days.

I can’t say this enough, but thank you. It was amazing to meet you this weekend, and I can’t wait to do it again!

And, until next time, o/