Grow Up

"Grow up", I keep telling myself.

I'm an adult now. Though, that's only really by age and sure as heck not by maturity or sensibility. I'm supposed to be a normal person. I'm supposed to be able to actually take care of myself for more than a few minutes on my own. Yet, that isn't me. I mean, I went to a gaming festival yesterday. Aren't games meant to be for kids?

And today, I just feel... off. I'm used to not really feeling emotions for periods of time, and just sitting at my computer minding my own business. But today? Today that feels wrong. I've talked to people who are still at i60 over Teamspeak, Slack and Discord, and whilst talking to them I was fine. But without anybody to talk to here, I just feel... well, empty.

This is a weird experience for me, yet I'm sure it's absolutely normal. I had a great day out yesterday with friends I've known for the best part of two years, and I had loads of fun. I don't know if I'm off today because of the work that I've spent hours doing, or just from sheer... loneliness? I don't know, that might be too strong of a word.

Regardless, I need to push through it. I've got work to do (procrastination, as per usual for me) and I just need to get on with it.

"Grow up", I keep telling myself.